Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
