Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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