Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
