you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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