Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
