perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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