We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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