You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
