Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
