so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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