i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
