I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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