Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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