I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Where is the hickey?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
