the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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