Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
