She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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