She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
