I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
