so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
