Your mouth is God's brothel.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
