Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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