just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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