I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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