Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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