Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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