Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
