She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
