My first STD was from a foam party
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just forgot I was standing up.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
