Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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