**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
