Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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