I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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