i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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