Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
