Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Randomize
