I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
