It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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