he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize