i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize