when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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