She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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