Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
