i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
