I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
