So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize