I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
