Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
