we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
