I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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