i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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