he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
