A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
