I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize