how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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