it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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