Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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