Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
