I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
