i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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