If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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