I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
